Food is a curious thing. There are a lot of sensory memories involved with the tastes and smells of what we have grown up on. Meals and specific food items have a way of socially and emotionally bonding us to each other – whether the bonding is between family members or friends or communities. What I notice the most about this though, is how much of what everyone else likes that I……pretty much hate. Perhaps its part “I just really don’t like this” and part “I know I’m supposed to like it but I don’t because everyone else does”. I don’t know. But here’s a list, in no particular order and in no way all-encompassing:
Bananas. Nothing is nastier than bananas (except for banana FLAVORED whatevers). Yuck. just yuck. They’re mushy, they have those stringy things on them and they are always either way too green or way too brown.
Watermelon. EVERYONE likes watermelon, right? No. What does watermelon even taste like? Water? I can get that without the grit and seeds, thank you. Unless you’re punching a bottle of vodka down in it, I’m not interested. And really, even then….
Melon in general. Honeydew? No thank you. Cantaloupe? Not unless you want to watch me become ill. I can’t even stand the smell of it and I can smell that foulness from across the room. To borrow a phrase from a friend, MBLARF!
Peanuts. This especially includes their gag-inducing mutant offspring peanut butter. It frankly looks like something out of a diaper and I don’t understand the allure of eating something that will glue your mouth shut and stick in the back of your throat. Continue this to Butterfingers, Reeses anything, and Snickers.
Granola. Too crunchy. Hurts my teeth. Isn’t filling and is disproportionately high in calories. I simply don’t see the point.
Graham Crackers. Dry. Might as well eat cinnamon flavored sand.
Marshmallow. Practically pure sugar. Oh, and a little cornstarch and gelatin adden in for good mix. Did you know that you can light them and create a light source? Next time there is a blackout, screw the candles and grab the marshmallows. Add this to the graham crackers above and there are clearly no s’mores in my future.
Rice Krispy Treats. Since we just talked about marshmallow, I may as well bring up the other famous marshmallow-related product. Candy coated and petrified cereal. Mmmmm.
Honey. First, it just doesn’t taste good. But second, along the lines of peanut butter….why would someone want to eat something that sticky and that prone to glue your mouth shut? And isn’t it basically bee barf?
Popcorn. It smells ok. Kind of. But inevitably, 9 times out of 10 when I smell popcorn it is burnt popcorn. We had our fire alarms go off and had to evacuate our 4 story office building once because of burnt popcorn. It doesn’t really matter if it is dry or drowning in a pool of butter and salt….the kernals stick in your teeth and it leaves a horrendous aftertaste.
Salmon. I love fish. Pretty much ANY fish. I hate salmon. I’ve tried to eat it many times and even in quality restaraunts - I just can’t do it. The oddity is that apparently when I was a kid I loved the stuff and constantly asked my mom for “orange fish”. I think I blame my grandma whom I loved dearly and was otherwise a phenomenal cook. But she made this salmon loaf that made me run screaming. Think meatloaf but made with canned salmon that is similar to tuna fish in textures. I am shuddering just thinking about it.
Dark Meat Chicken. While we’re on the subject of proteins…..dark meat chicken freaks me out. It seems slimy and undercooked no matter how long it has been in the oven. I’ve been known to buy those pre-cooked seasoned chickens at the deli, eat the breasts and then throw the rest away. Shameful, I know. If I have my wits about me I at least try to retain the dark meat for soup or something where I won’t be able to tell. But I won’t touch it.
Breakfast Sausage. Any other kind of sausage is great, but Jimmy Dean is not welcome at my table. There is a particular flavor – could be the fennel – that makes me feel like I have the flu. It’s also greasy. I find no redeeming qualities in it whatsoever.
Peppermint. It gives me a headache. And I have memories of endless Girl Scout Campouts where the rest of the troop just HAD to have Singing Oranges for dessert. That, by the way, is a peppermint stick shoved into an orange and you’re supposed to suck the juice out throught the peppermint like a straw. Has anyone ever had orange juice after eating something sweet or brushing your teeth? Same principal. Eesh
Cinnamon Rolls. I really don’t get the allure. They smell sort of ok. But they are sticky and covered in gloppy icing. And I hate sweets in the morning. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth at all, but before noon is unthinkable.
Big Red Soda. It’s a Texas thing. I’ve heard that it is allegedly supposed to be cinnamon cream soda. All I taste is chemicals – you know that toxic red dye # 40 that was banned back in the 80′s? But people in Texas (who grew up on it) LOVE it.
It goes even deeper. Until recently I wouldn’t eat anything with any kind of barbecue sauce, chicken wings or ribs (it’s a bone thing) or celery (except for celery root). And I don’t consider myself a picky eater. In fact, I like a LOT of things, weird things even. And like Mikey, I love me some Life cereal. Just don’t give me a peanut butter sandwich.
